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Nicknames for golf shots, good and bad

Warning: this page is not for the easily offended reader. We did not invent the following names, but we have heard or seen them used by our fellow golfers. Most are very un-PC. Some are extremely vulgar and nearly all are in poor, even appalling taste. Such is the emotion - and the humour - that golf inspires.


A
Adolf Hitler Two shots in a bunker
Army golf Left, right, left, right...
Arthur Scargill Good strike, poor result
Anna Kournikova Looked good, but no result
B
Bin Laden Driven into the hills, never seen again
Bing Crosby Any excuse to get out of buying a drink at the 19th.
Brazilian Shaved the edge
Bun in the oven / Knocked up Felt good, but not worth the trouble it's got you into
C
Calista Flockhart Thin, but looked OK
Colonel Gadddafi Dangerous in sand
Condom Safe, but didn't feel very good
Circus Tent A big top
Cuban / Fidel Castro Needed one more revolution
D
Diego Maradona Nasty little five footer
Diego Maradona Fat, but handy
Douglas Bader Looked good in the air, but no legs
Durex Play safe and don't rip it
E
Elephant's a**e High and pretty shi**y
Elin Nordegren Smashed an iron into woods
Eva Braun Lying dead in a bunker
F
   
G
Gerry Adams A provisional
Glen Miller Kept low and didn't clear the water
H
Hiroshima A disaster on the 6th
I
 An IRA A provisional
J
   
James Joyce A difficult read (see also 'Salman Rushdie' and 'Umberto Eco')
Jean-Marie Le Pen Way right
Jeffrey Archer Another poor lie
Joe Pesci A nasty 5-footer
John Prescott A punch into the gallery
John Wayne Bobbitt A vicious slice, ended up short
K
Kate Moss Very thin, but it worked
Kate Winslett A touch fat, but almost perfect
Katherine Jenkins A perfect pitch (coined by the BBC's Ken Brown at the 2010 Ryder Cup, where the Welsh opera singer had sung at the Opening ceremony)
Kelly Holmes Is it straight or not?
Ken Livingstone Miles left
L
Ladyboy / Transvestite Looks easy, but more to it than meets the eye
Laura Davies Not pretty, but long
Lee Harvey Oswald Three good shots from nowhere
Leon Klinghoffer Two shots and into the water
Lorena Bobbitt A nasty slice
M
Michael Barrymore A long iron
Michael Jackson Fading gently
Mick Jagger A big lip out
Miss Piggy Fat, but held onto the green
Moped One that gets you there, but you're not very proud of it
Mrs Robinson You know you shouldn't take it on, but it's just too tempting
N
Nagasaki A disaster on the 9th
Nitby Not in the bunker, yet...
O
O.J. Simpson Terrible cut, but got away with it
P
Paula Radcliffe Not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell, and runs even further
Paula Radcliffe Very flat at the top
Pharoah Buried in the sand
Princess Diana Shouldn't have taken a driver
Princess Grace Should have taken a driver
Peter Mandelson Good result from a bad lie
Peter Mandelson An iron that generates a lot of spin
Prince Edward You really want to smack it, but you can't
Q
   
R
Red October In the water, can't find it
Robin Cook Died on the slope
Rock Hudson Looked straight, but it wasn't
Rommel Going from one bunker to another
Rodney King Overclubbed
Ryanair Flew OK, but landed miles away
S
Saddam Hussein Going from bunker to bunker
Salman Rushdie Tough read (also an 'Umberto Eco' or 'James Joyce')
Sally Gunnell Not pretty, but runs a long way
Sister-in-law / Mother-in-law You're up there, but you know you shouldn't be
Son-in-law Not all you hoped for, but it'll have to do
Stevie Wonder Never saw it
T
Ted Kennedy Drove in the water and lost one
Tony Blair Too much spin
Tony Blair A succession of poor lies (many other politicians also used for this, eg Bill Clinton, George Bush)
Tony Blair Sometimes left, sometimes right, but mostly down the middle
U
Umberto Eco Impossible to read (also a 'Salman Rushdie ' or 'James Joyce')
V
   
W
   
X
   
Y
Yasser Arafat Ugly and in the sand
Z
   

 






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