There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.
Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
I thought Manual Labor was a Mexican golf pro.
You make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
Show me a golfer who doesn't have a mean streak, and I'll show you a weak competitor.
My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away. As long as I don't enjoy myself.
The older I get, the better I used to be.
Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.
Caddies are a breed of their own. If you shoot 66, they say, "Man, we shot 66!" But go out and shoot 77, and they say "Hell, he shot 77!"
I wish I was playing in the  Ryder Cup team. How could they beat me? I've been struck by lightning, had two back operations, and been divorced twice.
I'm a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn't help me. They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play.
If it wasn't for golf, I don't know what I'd be doing. If my IQ had been two points lower, I'd have been a plant somewhere.
My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.
I still swing the way I used to, but when I look up the ball is going in a different direction.
There is no such thing as a natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls.
If God wanted you to putt cross-handed, he would have made your left arm longer.
To me, the [British] Open is the tournament I would come to if I had to leave a month before and swim over.
You don't know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket.