The impact of the global pandemic provided an introduction to golf for new players coming into the sport.
Golf has certainly grown but having a roadmap on how to be truly called a “golfer” and not just someone who plays golf may prove useful.
Now, before you begin to snicker and think this article is nothing more than the same tired rubbish on all the strict silly protocols associated with golf – think again.
Candidly, I can size up within a minute or two when a person comes to a course and if they fit the “golfer” profile. The “look” of a golfer has nothing to do with one’s ability level or even personal physical appearance.
If you want to be viewed as a “golfer” – avoid the ten common missteps outlined below.
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Ball retrievers
Nothing signals a player truly “lost” better than when you see a ball retriever in someone’s golf bag. Players with these contraptions are sending a guaranteed message of what is going to happen.
Ball retriever owners take great pride in explaining the talents they provide when using them. Some extend upwards of 30-feet and then, of course, the owner then wants to play “hunt and seek” for golf balls – the ones they’ve plunked and certainly others left behind.
The joy in counting the number of balls found exceeds immeasurably the joy they get from just playing golf.
Once you see someone with a ball retriever in their bag – move quickly away and head elsewhere.
Ball retriever people are not golfers – they are fishermen.
Iron head covers
One aspect in playing golf is seeing the explosion of various “head covers” meant for clubs. My wife affectionately calls them “hats” and I told her please don’t go to any pro shop and tell them you’re looking for “hats” for clubs.
They will quickly shake their head and begin laughing – at you!
In years past the need for covers was for wooden headed clubs. The reason was obvious. The covers protected such clubheads from all sorts of bumps and bruises that could chip the head when in contact with ground. It was a practical reality and a needed item.
Now fast-track to 2024 and the explosion of “head covers” has reached epidemic proportions.
You see covers on everything. Some have covers for metal woods that feature animals bigger than the real thing they are showcasing.
But one type of cover goes beyond necessity to the point of being ridiculous. If you see someone with covers for iron clubs – be sure to head in a different direction.
To be frank – iron covers are carrying matters to absurdity. More importantly, the usage of the covers only delays play when taking them off and placing them back on. There’s also the 100% certainty they will be lost at some point and seeing someone with clubs on a few and not others is a real mess visually.
The only cover missing from such players is a cover enveloping all of their bodies in bringing to the course these hideous inclusions.
Your name in big letters on your golf bag
When watching pro golf on television you will see rather large golf bags lugged by caddies with the name of the player prominently displayed.
That’s fine – at the pro golf level.
For anyone one else – this is garish self-promotion for one’s ego.
The worst part is when someone who has their name on a golf bag then proceeds to move more turf than golf ball when swinging a club.
Advertising is a big part of modern life. But when someone opts to emblazon their name on their golf bag – it’s screams ME in a big-time way.
When you make it to the PGA Tour – feel free to do so. Otherwise – skip it.
You possess a club called “The Chipper”
The make-up of various clubs one can carry in a golf bag has certainly widened with an array of choices.
Players today have more wedges than in years past because of the desire to play short shots with specific clubs.
But some equipment companies have gone to extreme lengths to market certain clubs for a very narrow purpose.
One you see regularly – credit the company’s successful marketing / sales efforts – is called “The Chipper.” The primary purpose is to provide players with a club only used in the narrowest of ways for short shots in and around the putting green.
Candidly, a regular set of clubs provides you with the same dimension. The only thing missing is a bit of imagination and skillset.
Your golf bag is bigger than a circus tent
Nothing makes me laugh more than seeing someone arrive at a golf course and it takes two people to lug the golf bag out of the vehicle.
My first thought is why?
Here’s a reality check.
The formula to follow is simple – the larger the golf bag the worse the golfer.
Take stock of the better players you see. They don’t have these gargantuan monstrosities to lug around.
Neither should you.
Displaying inordinate course tags
There’s nothing wrong in displaying a few course tags on one’s golf bag. What constitutes a few? No more than 3-4 at most.
Unfortunately, you have people with tags from courses played years and years ago.
Some people have them scattered around the outside of the golf bag and the resulting clanking goes beyond annoying.
Draw attention by other means.
Men wearing golf caps backwards at 30 plus years of age
One of the most head-scratching thing one sees prevalent today is players opting to wear golf caps in a backwards manner when playing.
Now, I am the first person to admit that plenty of “old” rules for clothing needed to be loosened up a bit and I can personally live with the wearing of caps backwards with the following proviso.
Once you reach the age of 30 – the time to wear the cap in a proper manner has arrived.
The lone possible exception is if you look like Brad Pitt and can pull such stunts off without drawing inordinate attention. This especially applies to guys weighing in excess of 200 pounds. You want to appear as a clown? Then head to the circus and apply for employment there when the show comes to town.
Needless to say, whatever headwear you don, remove it when heading indoors.
A dapper look is one thing – looking like a certifiable dork quite another. Embrace the former – forsake the later.
You’re a cell phone addict
One of the greatest virtues in playing golf is getting away from the 24/7 clutter that invades daily life.
The ubiquitous intersection with cell phones is a constant irritant even with the need to “stay in touch” constantly.
The offenders always lob the tired excuse that the call they’re now on will only take a minute or so. It never does.
When you reach the grounds of a golf course show a real connection to the environment you’re now inhabiting.
Place cell phones literally a-w-a-y !
Needing to reconnect to outside activities should be carried out discretely. Most certainly away from the sight of others. If you happen to be one of those rare individuals who may need to be reached when legitimate emergencies are possible – alert the golf staff to come fetch you when that happens.
Wearing sandals when playing
Over the years the dress code for golfers has been loosened up considerably and for good reason. Years ago, men needed to wear dress shirts and ties when playing. Those days, thankfully, are now in the rear-view mirror.
But a liberalization does not warrant a complete abandonment of common sense.
You now see people wearing golf modified sandals when playing.
Sandals speak to the issue of total informality. They have a clear place in many situations – the golf course is not one of them.
Related: What’s the story with Rory?
You have a score counter
I’ve had the fortune – no check that – the misfortune in having played with various people opting to have a score counter device carried with them when playing.
Seriously.
If someone needs a score counter two things automatically apply.
First, the simple task in actually counting strokes is beyond their comprehension. Some people had a math issue stretching back to their earliest years.
Second, they are anticipating such a need because they will be making scores requiring such a device to start with.
If you are contemplating purchasing a score counter – save the money and use it in getting lessons.
