Nicknames for golf shots, good & bad

We did not invent the following names, but we have heard or seen them used by our fellow golfers.

Nicknames for golf shots

Warning: this page is not for the easily offended reader.
We did not invent the following names, but we have heard or seen them used by our fellow golfers. Most are very un-PC. Some are extremely vulgar and nearly all are in poor, even appalling taste. Such is the emotion – and the humour – that golf inspires.


A
Adolf HitlerTwo shots in a bunker
Army golfLeft, right, left, right…
Arthur ScargillGood strike, poor result
Anna KournikovaLooked good, but no result
B
Bin LadenDriven into the hills, never seen again
Bing CrosbyAny excuse to get out of buying a drink at the 19th.
BrazilianShaved the edge
Bun in the oven / Knocked upFelt good, but not worth the trouble it’s got you into


Nicknames for golf shots

C
Calista FlockhartThin, but looked OK
Colonel GadddafiDangerous in sand
CondomSafe, but didn’t feel very good
Circus TentA big top
Cuban / Fidel CastroNeeded one more revolution
D
Diego MaradonaNasty little five footer
Diego MaradonaFat, but handy
Douglas BaderLooked good in the air, but no legs
DurexPlay safe and don’t rip it
E
Elephant’s a**eHigh and pretty shi**y
Elin NordegrenSmashed an iron into woods
Eva BraunLying dead in a bunker
F
 
G
Gerry AdamsA provisional
Glen MillerKept low and didn’t clear the water



Nicknames for golf shots

H
HiroshimaA disaster on the 6th
I
 An IRAA provisional
J
 
James JoyceA difficult read (see also ‘Salman Rushdie‘ and ‘Umberto Eco‘)
Jean-Marie Le PenWay right
Jeffrey ArcherAnother poor lie
Joe PesciA nasty 5-footer
John PrescottA punch into the gallery
John Wayne BobbittA vicious slice, ended up short
K
Kate MossVery thin, but it worked
Kate WinslettA touch fat, but almost perfect
Katherine JenkinsA perfect pitch (coined by the BBC’s Ken Brown at the 2010 Ryder Cup, where the Welsh opera singer had sung at the Opening ceremony)
Kelly HolmesIs it straight or not?
Ken LivingstoneMiles left
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Nicknames for golf shots

L
Ladyboy / TransvestiteLooks easy, but more to it than meets the eye
Laura DaviesNot pretty, but long
Lee Harvey OswaldThree good shots from nowhere
Leon KlinghofferTwo shots and into the water
Lorena BobbittA nasty slice
M
Michael BarrymoreA long iron
Michael JacksonFading gently
Mick JaggerA big lip out
Miss PiggyFat, but held onto the green
MopedOne that gets you there, but you’re not very proud of it
Mrs RobinsonYou know you shouldn’t take it on, but it’s just too tempting
N
NagasakiA disaster on the 9th
NitbyNot in the bunker, yet…
O
O.J. SimpsonTerrible cut, but got away with it
P
Paula RadcliffeNot as ugly as a Sally Gunnell, and runs even further
Paula RadcliffeVery flat at the top
PharoahBuried in the sand
Princess DianaShouldn’t have taken a driver
Princess GraceShould have taken a driver
Peter MandelsonGood result from a bad lie
Peter MandelsonAn iron that generates a lot of spin
Prince EdwardYou really want to smack it, but you can’t
Q
 
R
Red OctoberIn the water, can’t find it
Robin CookDied on the slope
Rock HudsonLooked straight, but it wasn’t
RommelGoing from one bunker to another
Rodney KingOverclubbed
RyanairFlew OK, but landed miles away
S
Saddam HusseinGoing from bunker to bunker
Salman RushdieTough read (also an ‘Umberto Eco‘ or ‘James Joyce‘)
Sally GunnellNot pretty, but runs a long way
Sister-in-law / Mother-in-lawYou’re up there, but you know you shouldn’t be
Son-in-lawNot all you hoped for, but it’ll have to do
Stevie WonderNever saw it
T
Ted KennedyDrove in the water and lost one
Tony BlairToo much spin
Tony BlairA succession of poor lies (many other politicians also used for this, eg Bill Clinton, George Bush)
Tony BlairSometimes left, sometimes right, but mostly down the middle
U
Umberto EcoImpossible to read (also a ‘Salman Rushdie ‘ or ‘James Joyce‘)
V
 
W
 
X
 
Y
Yasser ArafatUgly and in the sand
Z