Nicknames for golf shots
Warning: this page is not for the easily offended reader.
We did not invent the following names, but we have heard or seen them used by our fellow golfers. Most are very un-PC. Some are extremely vulgar and nearly all are in poor, even appalling taste. Such is the emotion – and the humour – that golf inspires.
| A | |
| Adolf Hitler | Two shots in a bunker |
| Army golf | Left, right, left, right… |
| Arthur Scargill | Good strike, poor result |
| Anna Kournikova | Looked good, but no result |
| B | |
| Bin Laden | Driven into the hills, never seen again |
| Bing Crosby | Any excuse to get out of buying a drink at the 19th. |
| Brazilian | Shaved the edge |
| Bun in the oven / Knocked up | Felt good, but not worth the trouble it’s got you into |
Nicknames for golf shots
| C | |
| Calista Flockhart | Thin, but looked OK |
| Colonel Gadddafi | Dangerous in sand |
| Condom | Safe, but didn’t feel very good |
| Circus Tent | A big top |
| Cuban / Fidel Castro | Needed one more revolution |
| D | |
| Diego Maradona | Nasty little five footer |
| Diego Maradona | Fat, but handy |
| Douglas Bader | Looked good in the air, but no legs |
| Durex | Play safe and don’t rip it |
| E | |
| Elephant’s a**e | High and pretty shi**y |
| Elin Nordegren | Smashed an iron into woods |
| Eva Braun | Lying dead in a bunker |
| F | |
| G | |
| Gerry Adams | A provisional |
| Glen Miller | Kept low and didn’t clear the water |
Nicknames for golf shots
| H | |
| Hiroshima | A disaster on the 6th |
| I | |
| An IRA | A provisional |
| J | |
| James Joyce | A difficult read (see also ‘Salman Rushdie‘ and ‘Umberto Eco‘) |
| Jean-Marie Le Pen | Way right |
| Jeffrey Archer | Another poor lie |
| Joe Pesci | A nasty 5-footer |
| John Prescott | A punch into the gallery |
| John Wayne Bobbitt | A vicious slice, ended up short |
| K | |
| Kate Moss | Very thin, but it worked |
| Kate Winslett | A touch fat, but almost perfect |
| Katherine Jenkins | A perfect pitch (coined by the BBC’s Ken Brown at the 2010 Ryder Cup, where the Welsh opera singer had sung at the Opening ceremony) |
| Kelly Holmes | Is it straight or not? |
| Ken Livingstone | Miles left |
Nicknames for golf shots
| L | |
| Ladyboy / Transvestite | Looks easy, but more to it than meets the eye |
| Laura Davies | Not pretty, but long |
| Lee Harvey Oswald | Three good shots from nowhere |
| Leon Klinghoffer | Two shots and into the water |
| Lorena Bobbitt | A nasty slice |
| M | |
| Michael Barrymore | A long iron |
| Michael Jackson | Fading gently |
| Mick Jagger | A big lip out |
| Miss Piggy | Fat, but held onto the green |
| Moped | One that gets you there, but you’re not very proud of it |
| Mrs Robinson | You know you shouldn’t take it on, but it’s just too tempting |
| N | |
| Nagasaki | A disaster on the 9th |
| Nitby | Not in the bunker, yet… |
| O | |
| O.J. Simpson | Terrible cut, but got away with it |
| P | |
| Paula Radcliffe | Not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell, and runs even further |
| Paula Radcliffe | Very flat at the top |
| Pharoah | Buried in the sand |
| Princess Diana | Shouldn’t have taken a driver |
| Princess Grace | Should have taken a driver |
| Peter Mandelson | Good result from a bad lie |
| Peter Mandelson | An iron that generates a lot of spin |
| Prince Edward | You really want to smack it, but you can’t |
| Q | |
| R | |
| Red October | In the water, can’t find it |
| Robin Cook | Died on the slope |
| Rock Hudson | Looked straight, but it wasn’t |
| Rommel | Going from one bunker to another |
| Rodney King | Overclubbed |
| Ryanair | Flew OK, but landed miles away |
| S | |
| Saddam Hussein | Going from bunker to bunker |
| Salman Rushdie | Tough read (also an ‘Umberto Eco‘ or ‘James Joyce‘) |
| Sally Gunnell | Not pretty, but runs a long way |
| Sister-in-law / Mother-in-law | You’re up there, but you know you shouldn’t be |
| Son-in-law | Not all you hoped for, but it’ll have to do |
| Stevie Wonder | Never saw it |
| T | |
| Ted Kennedy | Drove in the water and lost one |
| Tony Blair | Too much spin |
| Tony Blair | A succession of poor lies (many other politicians also used for this, eg Bill Clinton, George Bush) |
| Tony Blair | Sometimes left, sometimes right, but mostly down the middle |
| U | |
| Umberto Eco | Impossible to read (also a ‘Salman Rushdie ‘ or ‘James Joyce‘) |
| V | |
| W | |
| X | |
| Y | |
| Yasser Arafat | Ugly and in the sand |
| Z |
